Welcome, Family

Last week, we talked about suffering—why God allows storms and why Christianity is the only worldview where God stepped into pain Himself. This week, we're going deeper into a specific kind of suffering: the pain inside your family.

You've asked the question: "Why is there pain and suffering in families? Why aren't we experiencing heaven on earth?"

Here's the answer most people miss: It's not just dysfunction. It's not just "toxic patterns." It's pride.

And the enemy has been cultivating it among us to get us to do things we know are wrong in our own eyes.

This week: the sin that destroys attachment, the lie that started in Eden, and the one shift that heals families from the inside out.

🍞 This Week's Bread

• ⏳ The Sign: How Childhood Attachment Shapes Your Adult Life

• 📖 The Word: The Way That Seems Right (Proverbs 14:12 + James 4:6-7)

• 🌍 The Witness: The Fall of Pride in Eden

• 🔥 The Work: The Pride Audit

• ⚡ Midweek Power: Wednesday Prayer

_{⏳ THE SIGN}
How Childhood Attachment Shapes Your Adult Life

Here's the reality: A landmark 2025 study tracking 1,364 people from infancy to age 31 found that people who felt closer to their mothers and had less conflict in childhood tended to feel more secure in all their relationships in adulthood.

But here's the crisis: Research shows childhood trauma significantly disrupts attachment development, and higher trauma levels are linked to more insecure attachments in adulthood.

Translation: How your parents treated you in childhood is still controlling how you relate to people today.

The Three Attachment Styles:

1. Secure Attachment — People who demonstrate capacity for healthy, stable relationships, emotional closeness, trust-building, and conflict resolution

2. Anxious Attachment — People who cling, fear abandonment, need constant reassurance

3. Avoidant Attachment — People who withdraw, fear intimacy, shut down emotionally

Early interactions with caregivers form internal working models that guide future relational behaviors. If your childhood was chaotic, your adult relationships will be too—unless something intervenes.

Here's the question nobody asks: God designed family to create secure attachment. So why is everyone walking around insecure?

Answer: Because we stopped doing it God's way and started doing it our way.

📖 _{THE WORD}
The Way That Seems Right

This is the verse that exposes the lie at the root of all family pain.

The Lie: "I know what's best for my family. I'll do it my way."

The Truth: Your way leads to death. God's way leads to life.

Here's the principle: If you're doing what YOU think is right instead of what GOD thinks is right, that's pride. And pride is the first sin, the worst sin, and the sin that destroys everything it touches—especially families.

Jonathan Edwards called pride "the worst part of the body of sin and death, the first sin that ever entered into the universe and the last that is rooted out". Pride is not just the first sin—it's the source of all other sins.

Notice the order:

1. God resists the proud — If you're operating in pride, God is actively opposing you

2. God gives grace to the humble — If you submit to God's way, grace flows

3. Submit to God, resist the devil — Humility is how you fight spiritual warfare

Here's what this means for families:

When you parent "your way" instead of God's way, you're operating in pride. When you handle conflict "your way" instead of God's way, you're operating in pride. When you define right and wrong based on what "seems right" to you instead of what God says, you're operating in pride.

And the enemy works hand-in-hand with our sinful flesh to intensify temptation, sow lies, and keep people in bondage.

Pride doesn't just hurt you. It destroys the attachment your family was designed to create.

_{🌍 THE WITNESS}
The Fall of Pride in Eden

Let's go back to the beginning. Why is there pain in families? Why aren't we experiencing heaven on earth?

The Enemy's Strategy (Still the Same Today):

1. Create Doubt — "Hath God said?" (Question whether God's way is really best)

2. Promise Autonomy — "Ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil" (You can determine right and wrong for yourself)

3. Exploit Pride — "You don't need God's way. Your way is better."

Satan's goal was to dethrone God through deception, introducing doubt and fear. And it worked.

The Result:

• Broken attachment between humanity and God

• Broken attachment between husband and wife (blame-shifting begins immediately)

• Broken attachment between parents and children (Cain murders Abel in the very next generation)

The Pattern Continues:

The enemy tries to sow bitterness, anger, lust, pride, and unforgiveness—and these emotions destroy the secure attachment God designed family to create.

Research confirms that childhood trauma disrupts the formation of secure attachment, and trauma survivors often develop insecure attachment styles that manifest in difficulty forming healthy adult relationships.

Here's the connection:

When parents operate in pride—doing what THEY think is right instead of what GOD thinks is right—they create trauma in their children. That trauma disrupts attachment. And insecure children become insecure adults who repeat the cycle.

The enemy has been cultivating pride amongst us to get us to do things that we know are wrong in our own eyes.

And families are his primary battlefield.

🔥 _{THE WORK}
The Pride Audit

Time to get brutally honest. Grab your journal.

1. The "My Way" Check

In what area of your family life are you doing what YOU think is right instead of what GOD thinks is right? Parenting? Conflict resolution? Finances? Sex? Name it.

2. The Attachment Inventory

Based on the research: Are you secure, anxious, or avoidant in your adult relationships? How does that mirror your childhood? Be specific.

3. The Enemy's Strategy

Where has the enemy been cultivating pride in your family? Where have you been operating as if you know better than God? What lies have you believed?

4. The Submission Test

James 4:7 says "Submit yourselves therefore to God." What would it look like to submit THIS WEEK in the specific area where you've been doing it your way? What's one concrete step toward God's way?

🙏 PRAYER CORNER

Every Wednesday at 8:00 PM EST, we gather to submit to God and resist the devil.

This Week's Focus:

Praying for families under attack. Declaring James 4:6-7 over pride. Asking God to reveal where we've been doing it our way instead of His way.

📅 What's Next

Virtual Prayer Meeting (Virtual)
Wednesday, February 04 (8-9 PM ET)
We gather weekly to strengthen ourselves in the Lord—just like David did at Ziklag.
[🔗 Join Live] 

Virtual Bible Study (Virtual)
Friday, February 06 (8-10 PM ET)
[🔗 Join Live] 

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✝️ Final Word

The question is valid: Why is there pain and suffering in families? Why aren't we experiencing heaven on earth?

Here's the answer: Pride.

We stopped doing it God's way and started doing it our way. And the enemy has been cultivating that pride to destroy the attachment God designed family to create.

But here's the hope:

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Submit to God. Resist the devil. And watch him flee.

Your childhood attachment might be insecure. But your attachment to God doesn't have to be.

In His Love,
- Mogaka Events Ministry

Come As You Are is a Spirit-led devotional for young adults hungry for God's presence. Written by Ravi Patel and Chriss Mogaka.